Wings of Fairies
by demented cookies
Summary: Artemis Fowl is stuck in San Francisco with relatives. When old foes turn up with new tricks, how can he help with an obnoxious, teenage basketball jock tagging along? A rewrite of Fairywings. If you haven't read Fairywings, don't. Read this one instead!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello again, everybody. Long time no see. Here is my rewritten version of Fairywings, retitled Wings of Fairies. I have made a great many changes and improvements, because I have to admit, Fairywings was pretty bad. If you haven't read Fairywings, don't. Read this one instead! I'm hoping it's at least a little better plotted, better written, and better done in general. Enjoy if you can.

* * *

**Chapter One**

"Cars are wonderful things. Honestly, how can one survive without the assistance of an automobile? If I did not have a car my life would be dull. Duller than dull. How else would I get places? I would be stuck in my mansion at my computer all day. Of course, that wouldn't be too bad. But then I couldn't do that all day. Cars are wonderful. They are, aren't they? So how do they break down so easily?" Artemis kicked a piece of gravel with his shiny black shoes. Shoving his hands in his pockets he glared back at the rental car, the burning smell of smoke in the air.

Butler was hunched over the open hood, his sleeves rolled up and his jacket off. Mr. and Mrs. Fowl stood under the shade of a nearby tree. "The car just _had_ to break down," Artemis said to himself under his breath.

Under the tree, Mrs. Fowl turned to her husband, twins in her arms. "Why don't we just call somewhere to fix this?" she said. "The Jensens are waiting for us."

"Don't worry," Mr. Fowl said. "They won't mind."

Artemis glared and walked sulkily down the gravel path. "'Won't mind,'" Artemis mumbled. "Why could we not just stay home in Ireland? I don't even know how these people are related to us."

Angrily, he leaned against a bench and opened his book. The only sounds were the rumbling of the car, trying to start, and the rhythmic bounces of a basketball against the black, outdoor basketball court. Trees stood all around and shaded Artemis and his book from the sun.

It was pretty peaceful.

Or so Artemis thought until a hard, orange basketball hit his book, knocking it out of his hands. He let out a small squeak of surprise and stood there, horrified, as the precious book fell to the ground.

Two girls ran up. Both looked about sixteen or seventeen and were wearing shorts, t-shirts, and sneakers. One of them, the one with the light brown hair which was up in a ponytail, bent down and picked up the book. She brushed it off with her hand before handing it back to Artemis.

"Sorry," she said. "Are you okay?"

Artemis inspected the book closely for even the tiniest speck of dirt. "I'm fine," he said, and glared at the girls. "But I can't say the same for my book."

"Well, sorry," the girl said again.

The other girl, with black hair behind a head band, picked up the basketball as if it were a baby. "At least my ball didn't get too dirty," she said. "I only got it last week."

"Aw, how nice, Yvonne!" the other girl said. "People _before_ objects, okay?"

"I was joking," Yvonne said. "Sheesh."

The brown-haired girl rolled her eyes and turned back to Artemis. "Yeah, sorry about that," she said for the third time. She glanced at her watch. "Oh my god! I was supposed to be home twenty minutes ago! My mom's going to kill me!"

She grabbed her jacket off the bench and managed a short, "Bye, Yvonne!" before running up the path and down the sidewalk.

"Whatever," Yvonne said, and returned to the basketball court.

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Americans," he muttered.

He went back to the car, finding it unsafe not to be within five feet of his bodyguard, especially in San Francisco.

* * *

The rental car pulled up to a light blue house with a brown roof at five-thirty. Butler heaved the suitcases up the stairs and Mrs. Fowl rang the doorbell. Nothing happened behind that brown, wooden door for a few moments. Then they heard the scurrying of footsteps and the sound of the lock being turned. Then the door opened.

A small,dark haired woman stood there. She smiled. "Angeline!" she said. "You're here."

"Our rental broke down and we spent some time fixing it. That's why we're late."

"Never mind that, never mind that," the woman said. "Come in. Please. Winters here in San Francisco can be chilly."

Artemis frowned. _Chilly?_ This was by far the warmest winter he had ever experienced. It wasn't even cold. Well, that's San Francisco for you. The locals think it's freezing.

The Fowls stepped into the warm house. The smell of hot food lingered in the air and there was music playing in the other room.

"Artemis," Mrs. Fowl said. "I don't believe you remember Mrs. Jensen. You were only a baby when you last saw her."

"No," Artemis said, shaking Mrs. Jeffreys hand. "I do not think I remember her."

Mrs. Jensen continued smiling. "I can't believe it! You were only a baby when I saw you last!"

Artemis chuckled awkwardly.

"The Jensens have a daughter about your age. I hope you two will get along," Mrs. Fowl said.

As if on cue, a teenage girl walked into the room. Her straight, light brown hair was down and she was very tall. _About five feet eight inches, _Artemis guessed. _Tall for a female who's supposed to be fourteen._

She blinked her gray eyes at Artemis but other than that made no gesture that she'd seen him before. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but her recognizable face was what Artemis noticed first.

"Artemis," Mrs. Jensen said, "this is Loretta."

Ettie's smile was one that a person would put on when they meet someone new who they don't necessarily want to meet. She gave a short wave. Artemis didn't smile, or move.

"You guys have to get a tour of the house," Mrs. Jensen said. "We only moved in a few months ago. Ettie, why don't you give the tour?"

Ettie shrugged and buried her hands in her pockets. As she lead the Fowls around the house Artemis marveled at the compactness. Not even a quarter the size of Fowl Manor, but then...Fowl Manor was a pretty big house.

"This is one of the guest rooms," Ettie said. She looked over at Artemis. "It's where you'll be staying."

Artemis gazed around the room, at the small bed, the tiny closet, and half-sized bookshelf that stood near the corner. The room was dim. A bedside lamp was perched on the table. A window near the bed let a few stray rays of light through, but even those were fading quickly as the day was drawing to a close. Artemis shuddered and quickly glanced at Ettie to make sure she didn't see his discomfort. She was obviously thinking of something else.

Butler put Artemis' suitcase down on the floor next to the bed, and left. Artemis hesitated in the room a bit longer. Always a good idea to know your surroundings, Artemis thought. Even in the most innocent of places.

"So yeah," Ettie said. "This is your room. The bathroom's right down the hall."

"Very well," Artemis said.

His gaze drifted around the room.

"Are all Irish people so formal like you?" Ettie said after a while.

"What do you mean by that?"

Ettie counted on her fingers. "Well, you're wearing a suit on vacation, you always talk in complete sentences, you haven't smiled once, and dude," she said, "you are super high strung."

Okay, maybe this wasn't the most innocent of places. Any place with this obnoxious girl was far from innocent.

Artemis' jaw tightened. "I am _not _high strung."

"Whatever you say," Ettie said. "Why do you have different colored eyes? You some crazy David Bowie fanatic?"

Artemis stared at her as if she had just grown another head. Was she really this insensitive? "What?" he said. "Of course not! I was born this way."

Ettie sniggered. "As if. You're probably wearing underwear with his name across your butt."

"Never mind," Artemis said. "Just...leave."

Ettie rolled her eyes and left the room. Artemis sat down on the bed and dropped his head into his hands. "God," he said. "Where can it be? How could I...God..."

* * *

A/N: ooh, cliffie! Stay tuned for chapter two!

-Demented Cookies


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: here's chapter two! Thanks for waiting an entire day!!

* * *

Chapter two

**Haven**

"Can I have your autograph? Please?"

"I want a lock of your hair!"

"Will you marry me?"

Captain Chase Oak flashed a particularly pretty brunette pixie a stunning smile. Tearing desperate manicured fingers from his uniform, he said, "Thank you, ladies, but I really must be getting to work right now. Commander Kelp will have my hide, then there won't be any me to marry. See you later, girls."

He gave one last wink at a blond sprite then shut the Police Plaza doors behind him. He laughed quietly to himself. "That blond sprite...I think I'll find her after work. Wonder what she's doing tonight..."

Straightening his uniform, he cleared his throat and fixed his hair.

"Fan girls worse than usual?"

Captain Oak turned to see a familiar face and cropped auburn hair. "It's pretty sweet having access to so many girls."

"That's disgusting," Holly said.

"What is it, Holly?" he said.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You know what I mean," Captain Oak said. "You wouldn't be talking to me if it wasn't something important."

Holly smiled as if to a toddler. "Okay, then. Trouble wants to see you."

Captain Oak rolled his eyes. "That's a surprise."

"You'd better hurry," Holly said. "That man's becoming the next Julius."

Captain Oak nodded. "Thanks, Holly," he said.

"_Captain Short_," Holly said. "We're not all of a sudden best buds." She turned sharply.

"Hey, _Holly_," Chase said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "What are you doing tonight? You want to...come over?" He winked.

Holly shook off his hand. "I have no intention of becoming one of your bimbos, Captain. I have work to do." With that she turned and left.

Chase looked after her. She was the only girl who never looked at him twice. Usually he would stop trying after rejection (which didn't actually happen often). Why did he keep trying with her? He shrugged and went the other way.

He knocked on Commander Kelp's office door. "Hurry up and come in," the Commander said. "I don't have all day.

"Oh," he said when Chase went in. "It's you."

"You wanted me?"

"Yeah, I did." The Commander leaned back in his chair. "You're a good cop, Captain," the Commander said. "You've got talent."

Captain Oak nodded cautiously, not sure where this was going. Trouble rarely praised his officers. Whenever he did, it was usually either before he fired them, or before sending them on a mission that would be considered suicide.

"You came here from Section 8 only three months ago, and already you've been a major improvement." He looked hard at the captain. Chase's mouth was open. "You think I'm joking."

"No," Chase said quickly. "No, no. Not at all."

Commander Kelp leaned forward again and put his elbows on his desk. "Well, like I said, you've done well so far. And that's why I'm giving you this assignment."

He knew it! It was a suicide mission. Chase knew he would be lucky if he came back alive. "What assignment?"

"There's a fugitive dwarf on the loose. Bobb, his name is. He worked for Turnball Root some years ago."

Captain Oak raised his eyebrows. "You want me to track down the dwarf? That sounds kind of..."

"Easy?" Commander Kelp said. "I know it does. That's because I'm not finished! In the future you will wait till I'm done speaking to talk, soldier! Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good," the Commander said. "Anyway, the very night Bobb escaped, all of Foaly's equipment went dead. Every single computer, device, whatchamacallit, everything. I find this mighty suspicious, don't you?"

Captain Oak nodded. "You want me to find out why."

"I'm counting on you, Oak."

"Just me?"

Commander Kelp looked intently at the captain. Chase winced. Why did he have to open his big mouth? Now Trouble would probably take the assignment away and give it to some other officer. Then he turned on the intercom and said, "Captain Short, please come to my office immediately."

He would give it to Holly? Chase stepped forward. "Why did you—"

"You called me, sir?" Holly said, stepping into the room.

"D'arvit, that was fast," Chase breathed.

Commander Kelp ignored Captain Oak and explained the situation. "You'll be working with Captain Oak here," he said.

Holly remained expressionless. "Yes, sir."

"You both are dismissed." With that he returned to his paperwork while both captains left the office.

"Well," Chase said when they were outside the office, "we're partners now."

"Don't let it get to your head, moron," Holly said. "I'm only doing this because Trouble told me too. There is nothing..._nothing_...between us."

Chase's jaw dropped. He didn't even remember the last time a female said that to him. "W...What?" He regained his posture and winked. "You sure you're busy tonight?"

Holly glowered at him. He could feel the heat radiating from her eyes. "Leave me alone."

And she left.

* * *

**San Francisco, California**

"So why were you so desperate to get out of the house today?"

Ettie groaned, and shot the ball towards the hoop. It bounced off the backboard and Yvonne caught the rebound. "My 'cousin' is so annoying. He thinks he's all that just because his dad is super rich."

"Cousin?" Yvonne said. "But your only uncle doesn't have any kids."

"Yeah, well," Ettie said, "he's not actually my cousin. He's my dad's second cousin's husband's cousin's son. Our parents met at my dad's second cousin's thirtieth birthday party and became, like, best friends. Whenever my parents refer to the Fowls they say 'Uncle Artemis' or 'Aunt Angeline' and stuff like that."

Yvonne shot the ball and it fell through the hoop without touching the rim or backboard. "Yes!" Yvonne said. "Swish!" She cleared her throat. "Yeah, so anyway...What makes him so annoying?"

"He thinks he's so smart. He's always correcting everybody and being a jerk. Oh, and get a load of this! He's reading DSM-IV."

Yvonne almost dropped the ball. "Seriously?" she said. "How old is he?"

Ettie shrugged. "Seventeen or eighteen I think. But he looks young for his age."

Yvonne laughed. "Wow. If he really is reading DSM-IV, maybe he is as smart as he thinks he is."

"I doubt it," Ettie said. "No one is."

"What about that kid at school...What's his name again? The Chinese kid in biology. Brian? Bryant?"

Ettie shot the ball. "Byron."

"Yeah, him. He's smart. He knows he is, too."

"Sure, he's smart. Nerdy smart. Not like Artemis. Artemis is more...stuck-up smart."

"I guess. But the point is that some people _are _as smart as they think they are."

Ettie looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "Maybe some people, like Byron. Not Artemis."

* * *

Ettie walked home slowly, dribbling the ball way up to her chest so she was forced to walk. She took the long way home, through the park to another entrance then another five or so blocks. She could wait to be home.

She smiled, remembering her David Bowie underwear remark. Artemis had acted so surprised. He'd known it was coming. If he was nearly as smart as he said he was, he would probably have put in a colored contact lens in one or the other eye to avoid attention. He deserved whatever he got.

She passed the playground. Little children played on the play structure and seesaws and swings. She smiled. Then something hit her head. It hurt.

* * *

A/N: thanks for reading! If you liked it, please review. If not, please review anyway to tell me what I should fix so my writing will get better. That will make everybody happy!!

-Demented Cookies


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here's my update! I said Tuesday, didn't I? Well where I am it's Tuesday, 8:22 p.m. If you were dying from suspense, blame my English teacher. He made us write a freaking BOOK (I'm not complaining about writing, I LOVE writing. Just the fact we had two weeks to write it). Anyway, here we go.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

It was an acorn. Ettie frowned. She looked up. She could see the clouds passing by and birds in the air, but no trees. At least not directly above her. She looked back down at the acorn in her hand. "That's weird," she said to no one in particular. "No trees around here have acorns."

Holly saw the acorn slip out of its container but was too late. "D'arvit," she said as she closed her fist around empty air.

"What is it?" Chase said through his helmet.

"My acorn slipped."

"Oh. Are you running low on magic?"

"No."

"Okay then."

"The problem is when I do..."

"You can use mine."

They flew on in silence.

"But then when _you_ do..."

"Holly, just..." Chase sighed. "We'll address the problem when we come to it."

Ettie dug her hand into her pocket for the basement key. She always entered the house from the basement. It was easier not to get caught when she came home after her curfew. Upon finding her pocket empty, she grunted and tried the other one. "Damn," she said.

She looked to the side of the house, but the gate was closed, and could only be opened from the inside. Ettie jiggled the handle, just in case it was loose. "Damn," she said again.

She looked up, wondering if she could get in through the window. Finding that quite impossible, she put her hands on top of the gate and pulled herself up. The top of the gate hit her in the stomach and she groaned, wishing she had payed more attention in PE during those boring fitness tests. Basketball didn't prepare you for crawling over fences.

Falling over the other side, she landed on her back, knocking the wind out of her. She dodged the discarded furniture and spiderwebs and opened the window of her downstairs bedroom and was about to crawl in when she heard voices.

One of the voices was a female voice. But not her mother's light, soft voice or Mrs. Fowl's soprano. It was sharp and alto, but her voice sounded more important and businesslike. It was one of those voices that could belong to someone between sixteen and thirty years old. The other voice was Artemis.

_Curiouser and curiouser_, Ettie thought. She tiptoed toward the voices, almost expecting to see a white rabbit jump out and disappear down a hole.

Artemis was there. He held something in his hand (Ettie thought it was a phone) and was talking to it. It was about the size of a palm pilot.

"Are you sure, Artemis?" the female voice said, coming from the palm pilot look-alike. "Think very hard."

"I'm quite positive," Artemis said. "You know you can trust me."

The female laughed. "You're cute," she said. "Okay. You can be expecting a call from me later."

"Are you certain you don't need me right now?" Artemis said.

"For now," the female voice said.

Ettie frowned. Who was this person? Girlfriend? Probably not. What kind of weirdo would date a stuck-up nerd like him? Ettie slipped through her window and dropped to the floor, her fall muffled by the rug. She hurried out of her room, closing the door behind her, and dashed up the stairs. She had to hurry. Artemis might be heading toward his room.

She entered the room softly and glanced around for something, anything, that might explain that mysterious call and who the person on the other side was.

There wasn't much. The bed was neatly made. A black suitcase lay closed by the side of the bed. Ettie bent by the suitcase and zipped it open. Inside was a flawless pile of folded polo shirts and another flawless pile of folded khaki trousers. Nestled in between the two piles was something wrapped in cloth. This was it.

Ettie lifted it gently from the suitcase and took off the cloth. It was a cube.

_Why would Artemis keep a paper weight wrapped up in his suitcase?_

The cube was blue, and glowed slightly. Ettie shook it. She squealed when the top popped open and revealed a tiny screen.

"Cool," Ettie said.

She stared at the little box, wondering what it was, and was so entranced that she almost didn't notice the footsteps approaching the room.

Artemis stepped in through the sliding deck door. He was sure Holly was bluffing when she said she didn't need his help. It would be a big blow to her pride if she had to resort to going to a mud boy for help.

It must have something to do with..._that._ Ever since those blueprints disappeared he had been expecting a call from her regarding them. True, Holly didn't really mention it, but he knew what it was about.

Or perhaps it wasn't the LEP that had them. Perhaps it was someone else. Opal Koboi? No, she was still locked up, wasn't she? Well, one of them was.

He opened the door to his room when he heard a door open behind him. Artemis turned sharply.

Ettie came out of the bathroom, her hand in the pocket of her sweatshirt. She saw him and smiled.

"Uh...hey," she said. "Heh...heh. Just got back from the park with Yvonne. I had to go pee really bad. Heh. Yeah."

Artemis raised one eyebrow. He looked at the pocket of her sweatshirt. There was a lump in it. But then, her hand was in it.

Ettie chuckled. "Heh, heh. See ya." She walked a little too quickly downstairs. She almost tripped on the first step.

Artemis looked after her. _How strange._

_

* * *

_A/N: Did you like that update? You know the story: If you liked the chapter, review to tell me what you liked about it. If not...review anyway to tell me what you think I should fix so my writing will get better. That would make EVERYBODY happy!

Here is my favorite review from last chapter from Liris.

"Demented Cookies is a cool screen name, if I haven't already said so. Holly's character? Bang on. Love it - you got her spot on. What hit Ettie? When are you updating? If I read Fairywings, will my questions be answered? Sorry about the questions. I do that when I get excited. Update!"

Thanks Liris!

-Demented Cookies


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"My shovel!" three-year-old Ettie said, reaching her chubby arms to snatch the plastic red shovel. Six-year-old Artemis held it high over his head. He didn't need to. He was still a head taller than Ettie, and she still had short, pudgy baby arms.

"_My _laptop!" Artemis said. "If you get off my laptop and out of my room perhaps I shall give you back your stupid shovel."

Ettie crossed her arms and sat back against the laptop like it was a deck chair. "No."

"I will give you five seconds, you imbicile, before I do something regrettable. Such as..." He gestured toward an open window, "throwing your beloved shovel out the window. Five..."

Ettie stuck her tongue out at him.

"Four."

Artemis stepped a bit closer to the window.

"Three."

Ettie began to grow worried. Would he really do it?

"Two."

A sly grin spread across Artemis' face. Vampire teeth seemed to grow from his gums.

"One."

He didn't throw the shovel out the window after all. Instead he whacked Ettie in the head with it. _Then _he threw it out the window.

Ettie let out a squeal when he hit her and could only watch in dismay, holding her swelling forehead, as Artemis tossed the shovel out the third floor window. She grabbed his arm and bit it with her two front teeth.

Mrs. Fowl smiled at the memory. She remembered putting a band-aid on Artemis' bleeding bite wound as he whined and argued that his mother should spend more time punishing Loretta than tending his wound.

_"I am able to take care of myself, mother,"_ he had said.

"Coffee?"

Mrs. Fowl looked up and accepted the mug of steaming black liquid Mr. Jensen handed her. He sat down as well.

"Thank you," Angeline said. "I was thinking about when Artemis and Loretta were children. It seems as if it were only yesterday. Amazing how time flies."

Mr. Jensen nodded. "The red shovel?"

"That's the most memorable memory."

"They're getting along now."

Angeline smiled. "It's wonderful. Though don't you miss having children?"

"Loretta's still my child." Mr. Jensen sipped his coffee. "But she doesn't want to be. Now that Lauryn is off at college Loretta is wanting to be taken more seriously. She's not the 'little' sister anymore."

"And then she'll be off at college and you'll be childless."

"Until the holidays."

Angeline looked out the window that smelled like Wind-Ex. The fog was thick and suffocating the top of the pear tree.

"And Lauryn?" Angeline said. "What of your older one?"

"She's a junior now at Harvard Business School," Mr. Jensen said. "She's going to be flying back here in a few days for the holidays and to see all of you before you leave. We're hoping Loretta will follow her to Harvard but she's not interested in that. She wants to play in the WNBA for a career."

"She does seem to like the sport."

"Maybe a bit too much. She doesn't love anything else."

Angeline nodded. "I see."

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know, kind of a slow chapter. This chapter was meant solely as character development and a preview for a character who will appear later on as the series progresses (omg! Did you know this was a series?? I have it ALL written already!). Pretty soon I hope to be able to combine character development and character preview with plot building.

Thank you to thewrongvine, Gold is power, A. Thorn, and Tears Parallel for their excellent reviews.

-Demented Cookies


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay, this chapter will be getting ahead with the plot. Sorry for not updating quite so fast. The All-City Band is performing this weekend and I only have two of the three songs down. Being the only female alto saxophonist there I feel as if I have a duty to do really good. Right after this I'm going to go back to practicing.

* * *

The mall was bustling with people. Mostly groups of teens with hair spiky from at least a bucket of gel and jeans that showed their butt crack when they bent down, girls whose lips dazzled and blinded anyone who looked at them from far too much lip gloss and boys wearing pants down to their knees. Of course, there was a fair amount of parents cooing over freckled, sloppy children while they sat on the lap of Santa Claus (the children sat on his lap, not the parents).

Ettie looked around the high-ceilinged mall and felt small, not an easy thing to do when you're standing at five feet and eight inches. "What are we doing here again, Yvonne?" she said.

"I don't know," Yvonne said. "My mom wanted me to get something for my brother for Christmas, but I am clueless. This is probably the second time I've been inside a mall in five years."

"Same here," Ettie said. "Well, actually, it's probably better I'm here. If I was home I'd probably explode."

Yvonne looked at her. "Why?"

"Two words: Artemis Fowl."

"Oh. Him. Bugging you again?"

They roamed into a greeting cards store and Ettie picked up a stuffed raindeer, twisting one of his antlers. "Bugging me? More like driving me insane."

Yvonne nodded understandingly, pulling Ettie out by her sleeve. A store clerk glared at them and fixed the raindeer's antler.

"Why don't you talk to him? You know how it always happens in movies...The two protagonists hate each other's guts then end up falling madly in love. Maybe you guys were destined to be with one another."

Ettie pulled out of Yvonne's grip. "What?" she said. "What? No. Ew. I refuse to even picture that. Look, my parents make me call his parents 'aunt' and 'uncle.' You know what that would make us?"

"Well, they aren't really your aunt and uncle."

"Cousins!" Ettie said. "That makes us cousins, Yvonne! That would be incest."

Yvonne rolled her eyes, motioning for Ettie to follow her to the food court. "You aren't really related. Besides, that's not the point. I'm trying to say that you have to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. He's, what, eighteen? Nineteen? He should be mature enough to handle it."

"He looks fourteen."

"It doesn't matter how he looks," Yvonne said. "Come one. Let's get a corn dog."

Ettie reluctantly got in line with Yvonne. "No. He is _not _mature enough to handle it. He may be Einstein reincarnated, but he has the maturity of his brothers. They're three years old."

"Just talk to him."

"No! What have I been trying to tell you, you dork?" Ettie said. "He won't understand a word I say."

Yvonne frowned, but persisted. "You're just being immature."

"Me? Immature?" Ettie said. "I don't think I'm the one being immature. It's that stuck up rich kid living in my house. God! Get that into your thick head! I was trying to be calm before but he's just so...so..." Ettie didn't finish her sentence. She just let out an exasperated cry and stormed out of the line.

"Fine!" Yvonne called after her. "Just leave! You _are _the one being immature. Look at yourself!"

"Leave me alone, idiot," Ettie said.

Yvonne ground her teeth, feeling the eyes of a dozen other people in the line. Ettie would stay in this tantrum for at least a week, Yvonne knew that much.

* * *

"What does the tracker tell us?"

"It's saying they're really close by," Holly said. "254 Geary St. to be exact. It's an old movie theater, but it only closed down recently. About eight years ago. It's all boarded up."

"Why would they be there?" Chase said.

"Well, no one goes there. It's in the Richmond District, which is pretty quiet. All old Asian and white people. They spend their days watching the news and playing solitaire on the computer."

Chase stood up. "Well, then," he said. "Let's go get them."

Holly pulled him back down. "Hold your horses, macho-man," she said. "We can't just barge in there."

"Why not?"

"They could have weapons, and if since our guns don't work because of this thing going on with Foaly's equipment, they could kill us."

Chase sighed. "Maybe we should find out what's going on with the computers first."

"Good. I kind of have a hunch. And we won't have to go far either."

* * *

Artemis leaned on the railing of the deck. The fairy communicator was nestled safe in his pocket and he checked in every five minutes, just in case he didn't feel the vibrating when Holly called him again. She had sounded strange during their last conversation. He knew she had been hiding something from him. Holly didn't like to lie and one didn't have to be a genius to know when she was. That made it so much easier for Artemis.

He would also look over his shoulder occasionally. He was convinced Ettie was hiding somewhere, just waiting for more evidence of his "girlfriend". He sighed. Teenage girls and their childish obsessions. He'd never understand females.

"Waiting for your _girlfriend_ to call?"

Yep, there she was.

Artemis turned and glared at her. "I don't have a girlfriend. I don't need a girlfriend. And besides, even if I did, it would be none of your business."

Ettie giggled. "_Suuure._"

Artemis turned around angrily. He blinked and looked around. Was that a shimmer in the air? "Will you just go away?" Artemis said to Ettie. "Please?"

Ettie raised her eyebrows at him, then smiled. "Okay," she said. "I don't need to hear your mushy conversations with your girlfriend. I can think of some other kind of blackmail." She hopped over the side of the deck to the window to her room.

Artemis waited until he was quite sure she had gone to say, "You can unshield now, Holly. I know you're there."

The familiar figure appeared in the air, her wings only a blur behind her. "Artemis," she said. "Nothing can hide from you."

"What are you doing here?" Artemis said.

"What? No 'hello'? And I thought we were friends."

"I'm not sure it's very friendly to spy on someone."

Holly grinned. "Touché," she said. "Okay, here's the truth. Bobb, a fugitive dwarf, and Unix, a sprite who never really escaped but was released about ten years ago, have something to do with Foaly's computers and equipment suddenly...well, not working. Not including these wings. These are Koboi Double-Dex."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "So you need me."

"What?" Holly frowned and looked offended. "No! Why would we need _you_, of all people? No, actually, I haven't heard from you in quite a while and I just know you're up to something."

"It's quite impossible for one to be 'up to something' when one's father's cousin's wife's second cousin's daughter is being obnoxious every which way one turns."

Holly shrugged. "Whatever." She turned then: "Hey, Artemis? I know this is a stupid question, but have you seen any acorns around? I dropped mine and I'll be needing it. It's really hard to get the right one around here because there's no hundred-year-old oak trees by a bend in a river. I dropped it around here, but since you never go outside, you probably haven't seen it, but I thought..."

"No. Are you running out of magic?"

Holly's head snapped around. "What was that?" she said. "I heard something."

Artemis looked over the side of the deck. Ettie was in the process of sliding through the window. She froze, one of her legs already inside.

"See what I mean?" Artemis said to Holly.

Artemis took one of Ettie's arms and pulled her up. "What did you hear?"

Ettie's eyes darted around. "Well...that's a pretty broad question. Do you want me to lie and say I didn't hear much or tell the truth and say I heard everything?"

"D'arvit, Holly," Artemis said. "Shouldn't you know when a human is listening?"

"Human?" Ettie said to Artemis. "Does that mean I was right about you being from Uranus?" She winced as Artemis' grip forced her to quiet down.

"I told you Artemis," Holly said. "Foaly's equipment is useless right now. Even he is baffled."

"Just _mesmerize _her already."

Holly stared at Ettie. "_You will—_"

"I'm not doing anything," Lauryn said. "Tell me what's going on. Or...Or I'll throw this away." She brought an acorn out of her pocket.

"Why do you think I want that?" Holly said.

"Because this very acorn fell from the sky and hit me on the head the other day. Right outside the park."

Holly glared at her. "Now I know what you mean, Artemis." And to Ettie: "_Give me—_"

Ettie covered her ears with her hands and shut her eyes tight. "I'm not listening!" she said loudly. "I'm not listening, I'm not listening. La la la la!"

"For Frond's sake, girl, do you ever shut up?" Holly said.

Ettie put her hands on her hips and thrust out her bottom lip defiantly. "Tell me what's going on."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! You know the drill: If you liked it, review to tell me what you liked. If not...review anyway to tell me what I could fix to make my writing better. That would make everybody happy! (And I'll update soon to make the rest of you happy).

-Demented Cookies


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Five minutes later, Ettie sat in a deck chair with a pair of her older sister's mirrored sunglasses, arms crossed.

"The sunglasses aren't really necessary, Loretta," Artemis said.

"Right," Ettie said. "And when I take them off your _girlfriend _here will hypnotize me. How stupid do you think I am?"

"You have no idea," Artemis muttered, but closed his mouth when Holly shot him a look.

Holly frowned at Ettie. "So you want to know what's going on," she said, "why your obnoxious, self-absorbed guest is making contact with flying three feet tall beings, right?"

"Yes. And it had better be the truth."

"Okay, fine," Holly said. "I'll tell you. But this is supposed to be confidential and I'll probably get kicked out of LEP if anyone finds out what I'm doing. So you'd better give me the acorn after I tell you."

"Oh, it's threats now, is it?"

Holly involuntarilly reached for her manual dart gun. She clentched her jaw and forced her hand away from the holster. "Artemis, you tell," she said. "Because if that mud girl says one more thing I'm going to shoot her."

Artemis looked at Ettie and crossed his arms, studying her expression. Her eyebrows were tilted downwards and her mouth slightly pursed. Her chin was held up in a defying fashion.

"Well?" she said.

"Okay," Artemis said, "look, Captain Short here is—"

Ettie giggled. "Captain _Short?_ Appropriate name."

Artemis had to take Holly's gun away.

"Do you want to know what's going on or not?" He sighed. "Captain _Short _(don't you dare say anything) is on a mission, and if she doesn't succeed it can mean an entire species is in danger, maybe more than one."

"What species?"

Artemis stood angrily. "Why should you care? The point is a_ species _is in danger. Why does it matter what species it is?"

"Just tell me. Look, I have the acorn, and I'm not giving it back to anybody until I know what's going on."

Artemis sighed again and dropped his face into his hand, shaking his head slowly. Finally, he looked up and said, "Fairies."

Ettie was silent. She stared at him as if he had just said the earth was flat. "Fairies?" she said at last.

"Yes."

She was quiet for another few seconds. Then she said in a quiet voice, "So that's why Captain Short is..."

"Short. Yes."

"And the wings?"

"Well, actually..."

"They're not real?"

"No."

"Oh."

Suddenly realization brightened her face. "Oh! So the thing with the acorn, and her hypno-thing and everything? That's because she's a fairy?"

Artemis nodded.  
"I get it now!"

"About time."

Ettie stood up proudly. "Okay, since Captain Short's family is on the line, I agree."

Artemis frowned. "Agree to what?"

"I'll help you guys!"

"What?" Artemis said. "No, that's not what I meant! I was only telling you so you can give Captain Short her acorn back. She needs it or this mission will probably fail."

Ettie smiled slyly. "I decided I'm going to keep the acorn until you guys let me help. I've never met a real fairy. Actually, I didn't even know fairies existed until now."

Artemis glared at her. "Can't you _mesmerize _her now?" he said to Holly. "Surely, even with the sunglasses, it wouldn't be so hard to _mesmerize _a mind as weak as hers."

Holly ignored him. "Alright, I'll let you help. But you have to do exactly as I say."

"Aye, aye, Cap'n," Ettie said with a salute.

"Holly!" Artemis said.

Holly switched to Gnommish. "We'll just mind wipe her when this is over."

Artemis groaned. "I hope that's soon."

Ettie frowned. "What did you say?"

"None of you're business."

"Riiiight," Ettie said. "I'll let you off the hook this time. But the more secrets you keep from me, the less I'll want to hand this acorn back over."

Holly rolled her eyes. "I can always get another one."

"Then why didn't you?"

The elfin captain stared at Ettie, then, turning to Artemis, said in Gnommish, "Jeez, that girl's smarter than she looks."

Artemis narrowed his eyes. "I wouldn't bet on that."

* * *

"That girl's probably going to doom us all," Holly said, crossing her arms and slouching.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Artemis said, hands buried in his pockets.

"Jeez, guys, don't be so happy," Chase said. Shrugging off the annoyed glowers of both fairy and human, Chase continued: "Maybe the mud girl could help."

Holly looked at him skeptically. "Oh, yeah? How, Mr. Optimist? Pray tell."

"Well..." Chase looked at the sky and put a finger to his chin, biting his lip. After a few seconds he said, "Before we met Artemis we just assumed all humans were dumb as door nails. We're making that same mistake now. Just because the mud girl acts...acts..."

"Obnoxious and ignorant?"

"Er...yes, obnoxious and ignorant. Just because she acts like that doesn't mean she isn't really smart. It could be just her personality. Not all intelligent humans act like..." he coughed, "self-centered, greedy snobs."

"Very funny, captain."

Chase smiled to himself. "Anyway, the thing we need to concentrate on is not whether this Loretta mud girl is capable of even keeping up. Right now we need to discuss how to arrest the fugitives safely."

"I say we run in there, tranquilize them both and drag them out."

"Keyword: safely."

Artemis raised a single finger. "First, do we have a place to put them? We can't just carry them all the way across California to the only shuttle port in the whole state wrapped in cam-foil."

"Artemis," Holly said, "Los Angeles is not 'all the way across California'. It would only take us a few hours to get there."

"That's not the point," Artemis said. "You still can't take them all that way in cam-foil. And San Francisco is a big city. You can't just park a shuttle somewhere. Even in the Sunset District, someone's bound to stumble across it. We're not in the suburbs here."

"You're right," Chase said. "We need something not so, er, unusual. A car perhaps?"

"A van would be better," Holly said. "Then we can keep them in the back and they won't suffocate."

"How are we going to get one? Just steal it?"

Artemis nodded. "For the time being."

"How are we going to give it back?"

"We won't," Holly said. "We'll just leave it parked somewhere after, I don't know, LEPretrieval get here in a shuttle. We'll just have to load the fugitives in and take off."

Artemis sat back and smiled, steepling his fingers. "Well, friends," he said. "This could be the easiest thing we've ever done."

"Good," Chase said. "The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can get home and," he winked at Holly, "carry about our business."

Holly drew her gun. "One more word, Oak, and you'll have no more business left to carry out."

She put back her gun, then paused. "Wait...'we'? Who's 'we'? As far as I know it's just going to be Oak and me."

"I think I should come along. It's in the city, so my parents won't miss me. And besides, I think I've got a hunch."

"A hunch?" Holly said, looking lopsided at him. "You look perfectly fine to me."

Artemis rolled his eyes.

"Okay, seriously though," Holly said. "What is this 'hunch'?"

Artemis looked away. "Nothing important," he said. "Just...something."

* * *

"Lights out, Loretta!" Mrs. Jeffreys called down the laundry chute.

"Okay, okay!" Ettie said. She glanced at the clock. 11:15. She sighed and placed her bookmark in her book and tucked it underneath her pillow. She reached up to turn the light off and the room was plunged into darkness.

Ettie lay face up in bed, feeling the chill of the blackness on her skin, and stared up at the ceiling.

I wonder what Artemis is up to, she thought. Probably talking to his fairy girlfriend. She nearly chuckled. Girlfriend. She had thought it was just a joke before but there was so much awkwardness between the two...She wondered if there wasn't really something going on.

Nah, she thought. Probably not. I mean, he's a human and she's a...fairy...Wow. Fairies. Three-inch-tall, sparkly, scantily dressed, super hot fairies? Give me a break. Captain Short was hardly any of those things. And vicious. Ettie had seen her reaching for her gun that afternoon. It had scared her for a second, but she knew someone like Captain Short would never kill her.

She wasn't the kind of person to go around killing innocent, if annoying, human girls.

Ettie heard soft footsteps above her. Damn thin floors, she thought. You can hear just about everything. The footsteps were sharp, as if the person on the other side was wearing shoes. And the only person sleeping directly above her was Artemis Fowl. Why would Artemis Fowl be wearing shoes to go to the bathroom? She leaned on her elbow to look at the clock. 11:50.

She frowned suspiciously, then descended the rope ladder from her bed, flicked on the lamp on the desk below her bed and, grabbing a hairband from the box on her desk, left her room. Slipping on a pair of sneakers, she exited the house, closing the garage door behind her.

A tall, dark figure came down the stairs from the front door followed by a taller, bulkier figure. Weird. She hadn't even heard the door close. She would have been surprised if someone, besides herself, had heard them leave. She crouched down in the shadow of the overhang of the garage until they had passed her.

She followed him stealthily. The two walked silently, purposefully down the sidewalk. A van was parked on the corner.

The back door opened.

"So you did manage to get a van? How did you drive it all the way here?" Artemis asked the person inside.

"Same way Mulch does," said the person inside, presumably Captain Short. Both chuckled.

The two humans entered the vehicle and the door shut behind them. The engine started, and the van took off down the dark street.

* * *

Artemis sat down, buckling his seatbelt. Butler sat beside him. The van was small, but big enough to fit two elves, two humans, and two fugitives. "So you know where they are?" Butler said.

Holly nodded. "Butler, you probably don't have a gun, right?" she said. "I mean, the airport officials would probably arrest you..."

"Holly, do you think I'd ever go anywhere without a weapon of some kind?"

Holly laughed. "Yeah, silly me," she said. "Sorry."

"Is there anything we should know about these criminals beforehand?"

"Bobb is a dwarf," Holly said. "Unix is a sprite. Both are criminals. What else do you need to know?"

"Have they been seen with any sort of...remote control-like device?"

Holly narrowed her eyes. "Not that I know of..." she said. "Anything you want to tell us, Artemis?"

"No," Artemis said. "Never mind. Just an idea."

* * *

A/N: So, you like? Next chapter there's going to be some action. Yay! You all know the drill: If you liked it, review. If not...review anyway to tell me what I need to fix. That would make everybody happy! (And I'll update soon to make the REST of you happy).

-Demented Cookies


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I've reposted this chapter after several people caught a few mistakes that made it really confusing. I corrected them and here's the revised chapter. Other than fixing those few mistakes, it's the same.

* * *

They parked outside an old building with boarded up windows and a vertical sign that was probably bright neon red once upon a time. Old movie posters were on the wall behind dirty glass and an old ticket booth sat in the middle. Dust covered the desk and old beat up chair inside the ticket booth. It looked like no one had touched this place for decades. Artemis half expected a decomposing skeleton to be slouched on the chair inside the booth.

"Captain Oak and I will go in," Holly said to Artemis, all of them still inside the van. "You and Butler will wait out here, just in case they slip past us outside." Holly handed Butler a walkie-talkie. "Butler, if one of us calls you, you come in. But not before."

"Got it," Butler said.

Holly opened the van doors and a startled Ettie fell to the pavement. "Ouch," she said, rubbing her back. "Careful there."

"What are you doing here?" Artemis said. "How did you get here?"

"I ran," Ettie said. "I hung on to the back of the van, you dork. How else would I get here?"

Artemis frowned. " 'Dork'...?"

"You hung on to the back of the van?" Holly said.

"Yeah, I said I would help, didn't I?"

Holly groaned, hitting herself in the forehead. "Just...stay outside, okay?" she said. "Stay here with Artemis and don't, whatever you do, do _not_ come inside. It's unsafe for a mud girl like you?"

Ettie crossed her arms. " 'A mud girl like me'?" she said. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
Holly didn't answer. She signaled for Chase to follow and they pried away the boards from the entryway. It was completely black inside. A musty smell came from the open doors. "At times like these," Chase said. "I wish that helmet was working."

Without looking back, both officers stepped into the darkness.

The cold black gloom surrounded them like a heavy blanket. The ancient floorboards creaked under their feet. Holly drew her manual dart gun. When the trigger was pulled, it would let loose a band that pushed a compartment forward and a dart would shoot out. It hadn't been used much before, due to it's inconvenience, but it was turning out to be a handy tool now that Foaly's equipment wasn't working.

Holly flicked on the light on her gun. It was still hard to see, but it was better than nothing. They were in a large lobby with a high ceiling. Two staircases, one on each side of the room, lead up to a balcony. Two doorways stood at the top of the stairs, and two more down in the lobby.

Holly turned her light downwards, scanning the ground. After all, they _were _after a dwarf. A few spiders scurried past, eager to get out of the light, but other than that there was no sign of life.

Chase pointed up at the balcony. A short, stout figure was perched up there. It was as still as a statue. Holly pointed her light up there. The figure seemed to be covered in tattered clothes with a head of bushy hair. It didn't move.

"Paralyzed probably," Holly whispered. "He's scared."

"Then let's put him out of his misery," Chase whispered back.

Holly pulled the trigger, and the figure flopped to the ground in a cloud of dust. Chase climbed the stairs, already unhooking a pair of handcuffs from his belt. He reached the top of the stairs and examined the figure. Something wasn't right. Bobb was splayed out on the floor, in a shape that was almost inhuman, like a pile of laundry. Chase's eyes widened.

"Holly," he said. "We have to get out of here. They're on to us!"

No answer.

"Holly!"

Chase wasted no time with stairs. He leaped over the railing, landing on the floor with a thud. Holly was lying face down on the ground, unconscious.

"Great," Chase muttered. He checked her pulse. Still alive. That was good.

He looked around. He saw nothing but black and heard nothing but his heartbeat. He drew his own dart gun. He didn't notice the dark figure coming up behind him.

* * *

Ettie heard a thump coming from inside. She heard Chase shout.

"What's going on in there?" she said. "We've got to help them!"

"No," Artemis said. "Stay out here. Butler will go in."

Ettie barely heard him. She ran inside. Artemis tried to catch her arm, but missed.

The dust was heavy inside the theater. It went up her nose and she had to hold her breath so as not to sneeze. She looked around. Nothing. All black. She wandered ahead and tripped over something, landing on her elbows. She looked and saw Chase sprawled out on the floor.

Ettie heard the whizzing sound of something traveling through air very fast and a loud thump. _Butler._ Man, Ettie thought. These guys are good.

She crawled over to where she had heard the thump. Butler was on the ground. Four darts in his arm and one in his neck.

_So they've taken Captain Short's gun_.

She could almost feel the fire in Artemis' scowl burning a hole in her skull. "Well," Artemis said, "I think that was one of the absolute _stupidest _things anyone could have ever done. Two police officers unconscious, and you decide to run in and save the day. Congratulations, Miss Jeffreys, I think you get the grand prize for the _stupidest _action ever."

Ettie glared right back up at Artemis, even though she knew he was right. "Maybe we should stop expressing how stupid I am and start trying to get ourselves out of here." She stood, brushing the dust from her knees and walked purposefully toward the door.

"You're not going anywhere," said a voice. The voice was awfully childlike to be saying a sentence like that one.

A tiny little man with green skin and wings was standing in the doorway, holding a gun. A slightly shorter, but stouter, person with a big bushy beard stood next to him. Both were grinning.

Artemis and Ettie started backing away. "Now you've done it, Loretta," Artemis said.

Ettie looked sharply at him. "Done what? What exactly did I do? How is any of this my fault?"

"Well," Artemis said, "for one, you alerted them that we were here by running in like a maniac. Two, you stayed here when you should have just left after seeing Captain Oak unconscious. Three—"

"Okay, okay," Ettie said. "So I'm a bad, disobedient little girl. But what do we do now, Mr. Genius?"

Artemis frowned. He wasn't used to being talked to in such a manner. The only other person who talked to him like that was Holly, and she was a friend. Ettie, however, had only known him for a few days, not including times when they were infants, and was already being disrespectful.

He heard the click of a gun being cocked.

"Run," he said.

And they did.

Artemis ran into one of the theaters and looked around. He didn't get to look long because Ettie bumped into him, sending them both crashing to the ground.

"God, Artemis," she said. "You shouldn't stop so suddenly."

"It's not my fault you're practically blind," Artemis said.

Ettie quickly shut the door and pressed her back up against it, and not a second too soon, for immediately someone on the other side started pounding on the heavy door. Ettie leaned harder against it and said, "A little help here?"

Artemis swallowed and leaned against the door too. It barely made a difference though. Artemis wasn't known for being able to keep doors closed while two armed criminals were pounding on the other side.

"What are we going to do when they get inside?" Ettie said.

"Try to get past them and out of the building," Artemis said. "We'd stand more of a chance out in the open. Dwarves don't like being outside, even if it's dark out, and sprites don't blend in well with humans."

"Why not?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow at her. "How many humans do you know have green skin?"

"Oh."

Suddenly the pounding stopped. It was quiet. All Ettie could hear was their breathing. "What are they doing now?"

Her question was answered, for right then the door fell with a bang. Ettie and Artemis were thrown away from the door and landed on their backsides. The two fairies advanced on them. They tried to scramble away, but the other two were too fast. Before she knew it, the stout, burly man had her by the throat. She felt a cool, hard circle pressed against her head.

"Back away," the burly man told Artemis. Ettie supposed he was Bobb. He was the one that looked more like a dwarf. "You leave, and take the giant and cops with you, or I shoot her."

"Please," Artemis said. "I'll be willing to bargain with you."

"No!" Bobb said. "Leave, and take your sidekicks with you."

Artemis continued. "How about this. I take the girl and my 'sidekicks' and we leave, giving you a three day head start before the LEP tracks you down again. How does that sound?"

Artemis knew the guns weren't "real". He knew what the dart gun looked like, and the darts weren't fatal. But a dart at point blank, he knew, would be more than just painful.

Bobb pretended to think about it. "Hm...Three day head start. Right! What kind of idiot do you take me for?"

Artemis sniggered. "You have no i—"

Unix hit Artemis hard on the head with the butt of his gun. Artemis slumped the floor.

Ettie gasped. She decided to take a chance. She rammed her elbow into Bobb's belly and he fell back.

She got to her feet and ran. There was a door below the stairs. It was open. She rushed in. Even in the dim lighting, she could see that she had run into a bathroom. Even if she hadn't been able to make out the stalls and sinks, she would have been able to tell from the smell. Gross, she thought. Even after a decade the smell never goes away.

She crouched behind the door, hiding in the shadows. She held her breath. She was there for what seemed like a century, but could have been no more than ten seconds. She heard footsteps on the other side of the door and saw a light on the ground.

Someone walked in. Whoever it was shone the light in the stalls, under the sinks, but finally thought to look behind the door.

Damn, Ettie thought.

When the light hit her, the person on the other side gave a small cry of surprise. This gave Ettie the opening she needed. She darted into a stall. Looking around for something to use as a weapon, her eyes rested upon the toilet lid. It had broken off and was now just lying on top of the seat.

She picked it up and held it in front of her like a shield.

The fairy found her quickly, but had no time to realize it, because Ettie hit him over the head with the toilet lid. He crumpled to the floor, unconscious.

Ettie smiled, satisfied. She took the dart gun from his hand and shot him in the arm with it. A tad unnecessarily, but she couldn't take any chances.

She left the bathroom on tiptoes, holding the toilet lid shied up to protect herself and keeping the dart gun up and ready. Better find the dwarf, she thought. Save Captain Short the trouble, get a medal, probably get myself killed.

There were two theaters on the ground floor. She decided to try those first.

In its day, this theater had been one of the largest in the city, with four theaters, all considerably big. Most theaters could only play one or two movies at a time, but this one had four going, twenty-four/seven. Tickets had been cheap, and it was very successful for a long time. But then other theaters got jealous. They forced this one to close down and it had been boarded up ever since.

Ettie crept into the nearest theater. The seats were worn down and torn and where there was once a screen, there was now just an empty wall. She heard a rustling.

Shining the light in that direction, she saw what looked like a pile of hair. "Oh, gross," she said. And fired two darts at it. It missed both times, but now the "it" knew she was there. He turned around and Ettie came face to face with a mouthful of tombstone-like teeth. She fired several more times, but they all missed.

The gun made a click when she pulled the trigger again. "Wonderful," Ettie said. "Out of darts."

The dwarf was coming closer, knowing Ettie wouldn't be able to hold him off long without a weapon. Ettie threw the gun at him. It flew past three feet above his head. The dwarf kept on coming.

She backed away, but her back hit a wall. She was cornered. She felt the wall for anything that might help her, but there was nothing. All plaster and a small hole, no bigger than her fist, filled with dirt.

Ettie turned to run but then remembered something. She looked down at the toilet lid she held in her hand. She shifted her hold on it and tossed it like a Frisbee. It hit Bobb right in the stomach. He let out all his air and crashed into a seat. Ettie rushed forward and picked up the toilet lid.

Bobb's eyelids fluttered open, but quickly closed again when Ettie hit him over the head.

Something fell out of his pocket and onto the floor. Ettie picked it up and turned it over and over in her hand. Ettie jumped when she heard a voice behind her.

"Impressive, mud girl," Captain Short said. "Was that just luck, did you mean to knock both convicts out with a toilet lid?"

"Wasn't that the plan?" Ettie said. "I thought it said very clearly on the blueprints 'incapacitate both convicts with toilet lid.'"

"Might as well have," Holly said. "It worked. Nice job hitting Bobb in the stomach like that. Knocked the wind right out of him."

Ettie shrugged. "No big deal. It was a big target."

"May I congratulate you too?" said a voice from the door. "Good job knocking out my buddy. But can you do the same to me?"

Unix stood in the doorway, legs spread and a smug smile on his green face. There was already a bump forming on his head. Ettie sighed. Wouldn't these guys _ever _give up?

Holly reached to her belt for her gun, but her fist grasped nothing but air.

"Looking for your gun?" Unix said. "I'd give it to you, but the mud girl here already took it from me. And seeing that she doesn't have it anymore, I'm guessing it ran out of darts."

"Why don't you tell us your whole evil plan like a good criminal," Holly said. "So we can use it against you and arrest both of you."

The sprite laughed. "That's just what you'd want me to do, huh?" He took a small pen knife out of his pocket. "You wish."

Holly was quiet, thinking. If she shielded, she could sneak up behind him and knock him out, using Ettie as a distraction. Of course, she wouldn't wait long enough for the mud girl to get hurt. Holly tried to shield, she really did, but she couldn't.

"D'Arvit, Ettie!" she said. "If you had given me that acorn when you were supposed to we might not have been in this situation."

"Take it then," Ettie said, holding it out to her. "I had it in my pocket. Take it."

"It's too late now," Holly said. "It's no use. There's no dirt around for me to bury it in. Nice going, mud girl. You've doomed us all."

"No I haven't," Ettie said. "There's a community garden behind the theater and a small hole in the plaster near the far right corner of this room. You could bury it there. I'm sure it's big enough."

Without answering, Holly activated her wings and flew back.

"Hey!" Unix said. "Come back here! You too scared?"

Holly felt the wall, searching for the hole. Nothing...just plaster. "D'Arvit," she said, and pulled back her fist, punching the plaster hard. It did as she had intended. A crack appeared. Holly tore at it with her fingers until it came away in a sheet the size of her head.

The dirt was soft and moist, recently watered. A small pink earthworm poked his innocent little head out of the dirt. Seeing the fairy, he quickly retreated.

Holly fumbled for the acorn. She dug a small hole in the dirt and put the acorn inside, layering it with earth again. "I return you to the earth," she said hurriedly, out of breath, "and claim the gift that is my right."

The magic sped up her arms and entered her skin. She clentched her teeth and waited for the magic to hold still.

* * *

Ettie turned her gaze back to the sprite. He was smiling, holding the knife in his hand. "Okay, fairy," she said. "This is strictly between you and me. I'm the one who hit you on the head with a toilet seat."

"Yes, you're a funny human aren't you?" Unix said. He took three steps forward. "I doubt you'll be feeling like passing a humorous remark after this blade is in your stomach."

"Ew," Ettie said, making a face. "That's just gross. Please. That kind of thing belongs in the movies."

Unix shrugged. "We _are _in a theater."

Ettie backed up more. Now that she was empty handed, she had nothing to hit him with. To knock him out or something.

"But I'm not going to kill you just yet," the sprite said. "A hostage would always come in handy."

If it were any other situation, Ettie would have felt scared. But coming from someone more than two and a half feet shorter than her, it just seemed like a joke.

* * *

It took a while to drag both criminals and Butler into the van. Especially since Chase was still pretty dizzy and could barely stand. Ettie sat down in the van, out of breath. "It was a lot more work to drag Butler in here than it was to knock out Bobb and Unix," Ettie said.

"Captain, you okay?" Holly said.

Chase nodded. "I'm fine," he said, but his eyes were still rolling and he held his head.

Ettie brought out what she had taken from Bobb. "Look at this," she said. "Any idea what it is?"

Holly peered down at the little device in Lauryn's hand. It was about the size of a second generation iPod Nano and it was covered with little buttons and switches and three tiny screens.

She took it from Ettie and looked it over closely. "Where did you get this?"

"It fell out of Bobb's pocket."

"Artemis, you know what this is?" Holly said, holding it out to Artemis. He gasped a little.

"What?" Holly said. "You okay?"

"Yes," Artemis said. "I'm fine."

He looked at it closely. He flicked the large button in the center. The four of them held their breaths.

Nothing happened.

After a few moments Ettie spoke up. "It didn't do anything."

"I don't get it," Holly said.

Artemis flicked it back so the orange side was up. Something buzzed in Holly's pocket. She took out her communicator. Foaly's face appeared on the screen.

"Hey, Holly!" he said. "I've been trying to get ahold of you forever!"

"What is it?"

"My stuff is working," Foaly said. "Duh. How else would I be talking to you? They turned on." He snapped his fingers. "Just like that."

Holly looked thoughtful for a moment. "Artemis," she said at last. "Flick the switch again." He did so, and the screen was reduced to static. "Do it again." When he did, the screen turned on again.

"Holly!" Foaly said. "What just happened?"

She smiled. "I think, Foaly, we've just found the answer to our problem."

* * *

A/N: Keep watching for next chapter! You all know the drill. Do I have to repeat it?

-(editor-less) Demented Cookies

(Teresa! I need you to revise my chapters!!! You wouldn't mind?)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: wow...second to last chapter already! Time flies so fast when you're having fun, right?

* * *

Holly, Chase, and the Bobb and Unix were picked up by LEPretrieval that same night. As the officers loaded the two into the shuttle, Captain Kelp came to talk to Holly.

"You know," the captain said, "you _were _supposed to wait for us."

Holly shrugged. "Artemis had a better plan," she said. She peered at him. "You're going to file a complaint, aren't you, Grub?"

Grub Kelp lifted his visor. "Very funny, Holly," he said.

Artemis and Ettie stood by, watching. "Um...Loretta," Artemis said. "Good work back there."

Ettie shrugged. "It was nothing."

"But a toilet lid?"

"It was what was handy at the moment."

Artemis chuckled. "Americans..."

Ettie frowned. "What? Toilet lids are very useful."

Artemis looked down at his shoes. Ettie was the second girl he'd ever really talked to, besides Holly, yet he still didn't know what to say.

"You know," he said, "Holly said you were smarter than you looked. I guess she's right."

Ettie smirked. "That must mean I'm pretty damn smart."

"Don't get cocky."

* * *

Ettie, Artemis, and Butler entered the house from the garage. Kicking off her shoes, Ettie climbed the stairs. Her head was drooping and she slouched. She started up the stairs. "God, I'm exhausted," she said. "I'm going upstairs to get a drink of water. Then I'm going to bed to sleep for a week. Then when I'm tired of that I'll rest a bit. Then when I've had enough rest I'll go back to sleep for another month."

She continued up the stairs, the wood creaking under her feet.

Artemis followed suit and came in behind her.

"Where have you been?"

Both heads turned to see a very tired looking Angeline Fowl sitting on the couch in the living room. There were red rims around her narrowed eyes and her normally elegant hair was messy. She was dressed in her baby blue nightgown and matching slippers. Ettie felt secretly jealous about those matching P.J.'s and slippers. Ah, the luxuries of being rich.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" She paused, waiting for an answer. When none came, she said, "It's three o'clock in the morning. Not a time to be parading around the city with fairies. Can you imagine how worried I was? You could have been hurt, what with awful people like Opal Koboi on the loose."

"But she's not on the loose, Mother," Artemis said. "Both of them are still locked up."

"That's what they want you to think."

Ettie looked from Artemis – cool and unnerved – to his mother – sleepy eyed and worried. "Wait a minute," Ettie said. "She knows?"

Artemis ignored her, for it was, after all, a pretty stupid question. "I'm sorry, Mother," Artemis said. "It was urgent."

"But why did you take Loretta with you? She could have been hurt!"

"It was not my fault she came," Artemis said, calmly checking his nails. "She stowed away in the trunk."

Angeline sighed. "Artemis," she said. "What am I going to do with you?"

She got up and put her arms around her son. "Next time, Arty," she said. "Please tell me."

He nodded and Ettie smiled. Ettie went downstairs to sleep.

* * *

Captain Oak came out of the interrogation room quietly, shutting the door behind him with a small _click_. Holly gazed in through the one-way glass. Unix sat inside, hands cuffed to the chair, head bowed.

"Has he talked yet?" Holly said quietly.

Chase shook his head. "Not a word. Not even any denials. Nothing."

Holly studied the sprite. She sighed.

"Has the other one done anything?"

Holly looked at her fellow officer. "Other than scream and shout and kick?" she said. "No."

Inside the room, Unix looked up at the glass. Holly knew he couldn't see her, but he knew she was there. His brow was furrowed.

"I'm going to go in and talk to him," she said, reaching for the doorknob.

Chase put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure?" he said. "What difference can it make? One officer is the same as any other when it comes to criminals."

Holly didn't answer. She just shrugged off his hand and entered the room. Unix's eyes followed her as she made her way to the other chair. She pulled it out and sat down, treating the sprite to her deadliest stare.

"Tell me, Unix," she said. "Where did you get that device?"

He didn't answer.

"You know," she said, "the one that your partner was carrying."

Unix's mouth tightened and his thin green wings quivered.

"Okay then," Holly said. "Tell me this. Why don't you want to tell us?"

Unix finally spoke. "If I told you," he said, his voice shaking, "she'd kill us. Both of us."

"Who's 'us'?"

"Me and Bobb."

"Who'd kill you?"

Unix glared. "You think I'm stupid, lady? I ain't gonna tell you. She'd kill us."

Holly smiled. "It will be just between us."

No answer.

"Please?"

Nothing.

Holly left the room. Chase was waiting outside. "Nothing?"

"Nothing."

* * *

Ettie shut the door to her room quietly and sighed. What a night. Good thing there was no school tomorrow. At two o'clock in the morning, it would be impossible for her to wake up at seven in time for school.

She collapsed in bed, without even taking off her clothes. She used the last of her strength to turn off the light. Letting the welcomed darkness wash over her, she was asleep in seconds.

Ettie was awake before she opened her eyes. Someone was shaking her.

"Loretta..." someone said softly. "Loretta..."

She waved at the voice, burying her face deeper into her pillow. "Mmph...go away," she said. "Leave me alone."

"Loretta!" the voice said. "Wake up."

Ettie opened her eyes to meet a pair of mismatched ones. "What do you want Artemis?" she said.

The shaking stopped. "I want you to wake up. Hurry up."

Ettie pulled herself off her bed and onto her feet. She put a hand on Artemis' shoulder for support while she waited for sleep to go away. "What time is it?" she said.

"It's nearly noon."

"Oh."

"Follow me."

Artemis walked out of the room and Ettie slowly followed. She followed him out the garage door and down the block to where the white van had been parked earlier. It was still there.

"What's going on?" she said.

Artemis didn't answer. He opened the door of the van and beckoned for her to come inside. She stepped up into the vehicle. There were machines everywhere. By the looks of it, someone had gone and loaded up the van overnight. Holly sat in there, staring at the machines. There was a chair inside. It was small, but when Artemis told her to sit in it, she was able to squeeze into it.

"What's going on?" Ettie said again.

Holly turned to her. "I'm sorry, Loretta," she said. "Ettie. But this is completely necessary. Please, don't take it personally."

Ettie frowned. "Why? What are you going to do?"

"You're going to have to be mind-wiped," Chase said. "The People can't afford to have another human running around up here with your knowledge."

"What?" Ettie said, tilting her head to one side. She looked at Holly's regretful expression, then to Artemis' unreadable one, then to Butler's frown, then to Chase's sympathetic one. "Oh! Oh, I see now. Like...brainwashing, right? Taking away my memories of you guys?"

"Exactly," Artemis said. "You must understand, this is a requirement."

"Yeah," Ettie said. She looked at the floor. "I think I understand. You sure you want to do this?"

"Positive."

"Damn."

"Just relax," Holly said. "You won't feel a thing."

They didn't waste time with good-byes. That would just take too long. Besides, Ettie wasn't like Artemis. They hadn't braved the arctic, traveled hundreds of miles, or saved each other's lives. Ettie was just another human.

"_Sleep now,_" Holly said. "_Sleep, and you won't remember any of this_."

And so Ettie closed her pale eyes, and was snoring soundly.

* * *

A/N: *sob* I'm going to miss you guys so much! Next chapter is the epilogue already! *sob* I know how much you guys don't want this to end, but everything must come to an end sooner or later. Don't worry you guys! There's a sequel. You'll get the details next chapter.

-Demented Cookies


	9. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Yvonne Davies sat on her front step, basketball between her knees, pumping air into it. She gave the pump one last push then sat back, leaning on her elbows against a higher step. She took a deep breath. Pumping was hard work.

Something vibrated in her pocket. She pulled out her phone and opened it up, checking the caller's ID. _Restricted_.

Weird, Yvonne thought before placing the phone to her ear and saying, "Hello?"

She listened.

"What? Who is this? ... Yes ... Oh, uh ... Yes ... She does? ... Ettie ... Ettie wouldn't ... Oh, sure ... Yeah, I could get it for you ... A remote control? ... Whatever it takes? ... Yes, of course. She's been a real jerk lately ... Five hundred dollars? Really? ... It's a deal then."

Yvonne hung the phone up. Her parents had been nagging her for months to get a job. It was about time she was making her own money. Five hundred dollars was a lot. Especially just for a little stealing.

* * *

A/N: Yes, that was the last chapter. You like the cliffie? Well, your troubles are over! A sequel is in the process of being written.

Title: On the Rock

Genre: Action/Adventure, humor, (implied romance, but not so much...yet...)

Summary: The prison on Alcatraz Island has not been a prison for decades. Now it has gained its first prisoner since 1963. Artemis and Holly must risk their necks to save him, all the while trying to keep Ettie from getting her memory back.

Coming soon! I'll post an announcement here when it's done so you all won't have to look for it.

Thanks for reviewing and being my faithful readers for the past nine chapters! Till next time.

-Demented Cookies


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